Most Humorous Job Ad I’ve Ever Seen

While perusing job listings, I came across a listing for an ‘arborist’, or ‘tree-climber’, as described in the job ad below.   It is well-detailed and, likely one of the most honest descriptions of a job that I have ever seen.  I wouldn’t mind seeing this type of thing from more companies; this way job seekers have a relatively good idea about what they’re getting into before applying to jobs and employers demonstrate that they know exactly what they want.  No BS such as, “we are 5,000th on the list of the city’s top 5,000 employers!* “.

Nothing is more frustrating than a  job description that is poorly organized and sparse on details.  A lack of detail could only lead to miscommunications and unrealistic expectations on behalf of both employers and employees.  As addressed in this ad, the employer acknowledges explicitly that less experience can lead to more workplace injuries, which is important.

*(by the way, we paid someone a lot of money to get on the city’s top 5,000 list)

The job ad is pasted below, exactly as seen on Indeed.com:

Arborist Wanted – Must Love/Hate Trees
Beauregard’s Tree Service – Vaughan, ON
Tree Removal Company located in Brantford, ON seeks experienced tree climber or “Arborist” with bucket experience. If you’ve done this kind of work before, you don’t have to read any further, just submit your application and we’ll go from there.However, if you want to find out what it’s like to work for Beauregard’s Tree Service then read on, my friend.An arborist’s role is not one for the faint of heart. You’ll be expected to climb up nearly to the top of a lot of very big trees – all while using minimal gear and lugging gas-powered tree-destruction devices like chainsaws and pruners. This isn’t just an “off-chance” scenario, you’ll be expected to repeat this over and over again until our daily work is done. Your only hope to minimize the time spent up in these deadly nature-towers is to be efficient and hard-working. You have to haul it in order to get the trees before they get you!

You’ll be working directly for the owner of the company which makes it easy to ask for favours and kiss up effectively. So if you want to borrow the company truck to impress your date, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to buy him coffees and offer to babysit his kids. Compliment his beard on occasion for extra credit. But don’t be fooled! He is not a push-over! He takes safety and job quality very seriously so you’d better be prepared to follow direction and not be a shifty slacker. You’ll be working with a crew of other guys who also don’t like it when you aren’t pulling your own weight – so show up on time and be easy to work with.

Do you know what a bucket truck is? You ever see those guys sitting in a tiny bucket being raised way up in the air to work around power lines? Yeah, we need you to do that, too. We will most likely have less job-injuries if you already have some experience with bucket trucks.

When your job calls for you to work on the ground – be thankful. You’ll only have to worry about limbs and equipment falling from above and not actually falling yourself. We call this “clean up duty” where we typically finish the job by chipping, grinding and sawing the unwanted parts of the tree until we are satisfied that it won’t be a further threat to its owner. This is where the hate for trees comes in. You can’t form lasting relationships with these trees – they need to come down for their own good. If you’re a tree-hugger, this probably isn’t the right job for you.

Aside from that, you’ll need a valid driver’s license and proper certification. That way, we can rest assured that you aren’t going to run someone over or cut your own leg off while on a job.

That’s about it. If you think you’d like to join our team please contact me. We pay about the same as the other guys but we’re a lot more fun to work with. We’re looking forward to filling this position soon.

I'd like to be a tree-abortionist...I mean, arborist when I grow up (image from trees4life.ca)

I’d like to be a tree-abortionist…I mean arborist when I grow up (image from trees4life.ca)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s